never alone

Not my eyes at midnight
And all I might have seen
I would never admit it anyway
Wasn’t me in the moonlight
Wasn’t me must’ve moved on

Wasn’t me stuck in the stone
Must’ve been some other season
Wasn’t me the song the melody

No I wouldn’t fit
Couldn’t stay

I wished instead of bet
A kiss on the edge of the ant machine

It’s not my eyes I see out of
Spot on the wall
Tumble weed in the window
Touch and go
Like a dead cow
I had a little doubt

Bone on bone
There’s so much I need to say
Of the tenderness that takes me away
As the undertaker comes home to stay

Bone on bone
As if I weren’t born with enough closeness

Bone on bone
after her floods come and gone

bone on bone all through the depot
bubbles fortold

eyes were only for clues
for the unhewn origin of days that become weeks
that become years
and an unrelenting approach of seeing
and becoming thinner and thinner
until only skin looks back
what was there?
The greater the objectivity the greater the subjectivity
Free
Was it these tears
Was it because of this
What was it really
Should we call it pain
Anger
Fear
Did they intrude other wholenesses?
I spread so thin
I mistake myself for emptiness

threading strange shapes through the needles eye
the distance between each word
distance of a dream
my eyes to dark
my face too far
my smile to fragile for all the chaos
and after all I already said the needles eye has no test for directions
only still I pull on the emptiness for reverberation
for the quietude of deaths bittersweet dance
there I thought I captured the trance
I was turning but couldn’t guess
who was it that said
I tied them together
that stain never dries
and you can’t wash it off
worse than tattoos you never even knew
I wondered if they touched the inverted edge
where the green light reveals its blue and yellow origins
and a little blackness to turn around the inside
and a little emptiness to open up the door
to ease some moments from the other side
treat the jumping lizard to a trapeze
did I say I want crazy things
a flower without a seed
I want breaths to take me away
I want violets that steal time
I want a thousand tastes in the fire
I don’t want to stay there so long
I want to bring my plague into focus

the underbelly always rings in my ear
I feel disturbed but it’s so clear
I’m shaken but not sure
where the blood comes from
how did it get into my hands
was I buried somewhere in the bypass
somewhere between the poles
somewhere an ocean

they never told me I was over budget
and wouldn’t hold up long in the spotlight
my signature got crazier every night
I began to give all the stars away
and hope my finger tips would pull me through
help me dig out of the wash out
back flush that last route
and wonder once again
what was it between that line

You have to love me now,
I looked all the twisted snakes of my confusion in the eye,
into all the loneliness they all tried to hide,
I put all my mistakes in a pile,
and made a funeral pyre,
and as they burned they told each stories of trust,

You have to love me now,
I took the last train to the end of every night,
and the end of the last highway left together with a handful of hope,
and when no one was looking, I made a wish

You have to love me now.
The war ‘aint what it used to be,
and I wonder how I got here,
I need you to remind you where I am,
and sort the missing from the found,

You have to love me now
I heard you singing over the wall,
and had dream that someday I would awaken,

and just in case any more tears come,
I need you to be there with the shaking loneliness,

and when I close my eyes,
and the other side slips though the faint twilight of bare heart tongueness,
I need you to understand that slipknot,
before all those moments become another force in the lost cause,
and just in case everything I caught takes over again,
I need you to love me now,